You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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