carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
