Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
