Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
