Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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