I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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