i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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