u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
