I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
