she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
