Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
