my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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