Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
