Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
