Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
