I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
