The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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