Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
