I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
