why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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