just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
