things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
