haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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