I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
