How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
