you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
