Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
