High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
