I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
