I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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