He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
