We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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