So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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