U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
