im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
