My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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