I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
try to milk me bitch
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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