she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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