Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
