i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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