he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
