My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
