You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
