Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
