no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
