I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
