If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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