so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
soo... how was my night?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
