Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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