soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
