my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
